Dedicated to Sis Raihan

I have just gotten news that one of my relatives has passed on. She was someone who has religiously sticked to the Rules of Allah, up till the time she died. Although she had a "sickness" that most others who have will shun from Allah, the sickness does not make her forget Allah. She could be the "other person", at the same time, she fought back and showed her faith in Allah.

My encounters with her are too few, but her cheerfulness and peace shining through her face shall always be in mind.

May Allah grant  you paradise, Sis. The best one you could ask for...

Don’t Be Deceived By Worldly Things. A lecture by Shaykh Zahir Mahmood

All men die with unfulfilled aspirations. So, rushing after things we do not have is one more sneaky attempt to deceive people and lead them astray.

When mommy is sick

When mommy is sick, she couldn't eat. She couldn't smile, couldn't feed you and couldn't play with you. She could only get away from you and disappears into God knows where. The pain would be unbearable, and would prevent her from enjoying what others can. The pain is the reason why she couldn't go for outings, vacations, and even classes that she would have loved to attend. The pain that has been with her for close to twenty years reminds her again and again of all the bad experiences she had had before. Through her tough times trying to get on with life despite the pain. It happens anytime, anywhere, not considering the occasions, whether it is an important examination, or whether it is during a long journey in a vehicle, or even when she is in need of sleep.

But life has to be optimistic. Life is about a job, being a mother, a friend, a wife, and a part of a family. The reason that God has created the pain is perhaps to get me to step back and look at the reality of life. To see what I have taken for granted. To fill each second with a deed, to remember to thank Him for each second of life given. Mommy will do this job well, and will get the best out of this situation. Despite the hardship, God has given so much more.

When you were just 3 months old, Mommy had to leave you and stay in a hospital. Back then, Mommy thought that my days with you perhaps were limited to just that 3 months. The stones had caused tremendous pain and a series of vomitting that prevented Mommy from getting any food in for about two days. I felt that I was wasting away. I felt that I was a terribly mother, having to leave and couldn't feed my baby who is waiting to be nursed at home. I cried each time I vomitted. Even a sip of Milo can't get through my system. My body was in fact rejecting all food. That was when I really broke down and had to be consoled by the nurse. She said that for the sake of my baby, I had to be strong. I had to recover and I must.

Indeed, I should, but given that situation when you are just 3 months and I was still recuperating from childbirth, I wasn't prepared for a major operation like that. I knew that my body is not going to be healthy anymore, perhaps more will come along the way, but I will just take things one day at a time.

With whatever flesh and organs I have left, I will fight my pain to care for my loved ones. And I will always be grateful for all the pains, the ailments and the hardships that I have to go through because I know that God loves me for this.

parents' negligence

Yesterday, I felt queasy after reading the article on the second case of dad killing his 2-year old daughter. In just a week, there were already two such cases. The dads, flared up by their toddlers' curiosity, easily killed the toddlers by merely kicking and stepping on their small and fragile bodies. These men had not appreciated the wonderful beings that God has given them as life's gifts. They couldn't see the opportunities of growth these children have. All they see are their children's mistakes over and over again. All they see are stupidity and stubborness. They did not realise that every child is born with a curious mind, because there are plenty of things to learn about in this world. The brain must be trained to accept knowledge and it is through play and meddling with the objects they see, children learn about their world. Why must we punish them for the natural things that God has made them for? Are the dads trying to exert their fatherly authority over their kids too early without proper knowledge of how to teach their kids? Have they forgotten how their own parents raised them? Were they punished to such an extent? I have never heard of a punishment such as stepping and kicking your child. In fact, the use of the leg to hurt someone is only applicable in self defence and not in raising your kids! I do worry sometimes, when emotions run amok, and you just feel that the right thing to do is to hit your child in order to teach him or her a lesson. But wait, how does the prophet does it? In fact, the prophet does not even hit his grandchildren who climbed over his body when he was performing his prayer. In Islam, the first few years of life, is all about playing. Because kids learn a lot from play. Then only when the kids reach the age of ten, some form of discipline is practised to ensure that the kids will have a good grounding in performing the five prayers of the day, and also the Ramadhan fast. There are also ways to hit a child. Never ever should he or she be hit on the face, because the face is where a person's self respect is. And should the child be reprimanded, it should be done away from where others could see. Not in the middle of a busy place, where your child would feel embarrassed. If only the present generation of Muslim families practise the teachings of the prophet, such depressing news of the dead toddlers won't be heard. To me, the toddlers are like roses still in the bud. Before they could bloom, someone stomped on them purposely till the buds lose all their petals.

Kautsar

I have always procrastinated doing this, but today, after learning about my friend's loss, I think my unborn child has every right to be named. I still wonder if it is a boy or girl, but Allah knows best. The name suits either gender. And best of all, it means a lot to me. Abundance..that is what Allah has given us. Yet, we always fail to realise. My baby who was with me from October 2007 till December 2007 will always be part of me. Kautsar has also made me aware of how life is too transient to be significant. Kautsar preferred to be where eternity is and where evil can't touch.

It dawned upon me

Barely two hours after subuh, I am at the computer reading some good muslimah mommies' blogs. 'Good' because there are many advices on matters of the heart as well as daily activities. Lessons I learnt are:
We do not deserve to be given Islam. It is all by Allah's grace. We are nobody, and really needy. And on the topic of advising others on their mistakes, we must always remember that we shouldn't dishonor the person who makes a mistake, but instead we should use creative ways so that the person knows we want to help him/her.

I also wish to remind myself that there is a greater world of muslim people out there and many have been given great 'ujian' especially those who are involved in natural calamities and war. My heart and prayers go out to them. May Allah unite our hearts and lead us in the path of peace. Amin..Ya Rabbal 'alamin.

What do I spend on

To spend or not? What do I spend on? Things that I spend on are just little rewards for myself. But some times I do splurge on things like shoes or bags that I believe should be heavy duty and must meet a certain quality. Today I felt a little guilty conscious after spending on what I believe was unnecessary and should have been better used on food. Thinking about it makes me feel bad almost a whole day, but if I were to quantify the cost per day, it is just about a dollar plus. Perhaps there is a reason why I was driven to buy it. I might be needing it in future, only God knows.

Sometimes, I wish I can live life on a daily basis. Spend only on what I need for the day, and not as if I live for the next few months or even years. Now I feel the crunch of spending even on cheap things. Because the total cost of all cheap things bought does equal to an expensive stuff that I may have avoided. I vouch no longer to spend on these unnecessary things be it a reward I deserve or a really cheap thing. From now on, I hope I can live humbly and with gratitude over what I already have and not hoping for the worldly stuff that I do not have. An investment is only on education, knowledge, food, health and religious causes.

Resolutions

May Allah grant all these:

1. To think of Allah's redha in everything I do
2. To give 100% sincerity in fulfilling my responsibilities as a wife, mom, daughter and most importantly as someone whose life is owed to Allah's generosity
3. To read at least one page of Qur'an everyday
4. To be more generous with my smile when I meet others outside, even if they do not wish to smile at me
5. To have only one place to share my feelings, be it happiness or anguish. The place shall be in my own heart directly with Allah, because only He knows best
6. To not talk about other's weaknesses
7. To invest my time for akhirat, not for the search of pahala, but for the ability to meet Allah and His Messenger, Nabi Muhammad

The True Job, God is My Boss

Often people frown on my decision to be a SAHM. "A university graduate gave up her job to look after her baby" seems not to be an ideal scenario for everyone. Because "you need to earn money to help your husband and prepare for the future". Well, what if my husband has brought home enough for the three of us? We can even still afford to shop and eat out sometimes. I believe God has given me far more than enough. This is based on logical thinking that my father used to feed five with the same amount that my husband now has to feed only three. Also I do not fret for the future, because God has prepared what I need.

"A total waste of skills?" Very wrong perception that is. As an author named Dorothy Patterson said..

"Homemaking — being a full-time wife and mother — is not a destructive drought of uselessness but an overflowing oasis of opportunity; it is not a dreary cell to contain your talents and skills but a brilliant catalyst to channel creativity and energies into meaningful work ... it is neither limitation of gifts available nor stinginess in distributing the benefits of those gifts, but rather the multiplication of a mother's legacy to the generations to come and the generous bestowal of all God meant a mother to give to those He entrusted to her care."

What is there to look forward to at the end of earning much and spending it all on expensive items when you can spend much less and enjoy the time with your baby which is exactly what a baby needs most? Why earn and then buy more things for everyone when these things may not necessarily make them happy? The truth is everyone is trapped in the dual income mindset as Heather Koerner puts it best. We spend as if there is we have two persons earning in the house, when we should only consider just a sole breadwinner (the husband) and the wife's income should be all saved as surplus. THIS makes us complacent and starts to spend more.

For me, I firmly stand by my decision to Stay and Work at Home. I do not want to miss out on my child's development, her joy and discoveries. To have a career can be any time much later when my girl has gone to school. But now, especially the first two years of her life, it is important that I share my life with her as much as I can. To teach her new things, understand her emotions, and make her laugh.

I cannot imagine myself working in an office and leaving her to be understood by others who do not know her more than her mom does. Especially when she is still new to the world, and needs my presence to motivate her in her learning journey.

For the people who still frown or laugh at a SAHM, God may be laughing at your ignorance...Because He knows way more than you think you do.

Happiness in the form of a child

The days and years passed, and the peak of it all is when the long awaited moment arrived on 16 October 2008. It was in a cold room, where a new life decided to show its true beauty and strength, after 39 weeks of silence, darkness and uncertainty. The soft but shrill cries and ever moving limbs were a great sign of good health. Laid on the bed for the first time, a hand quickly grasped the side of the bed, perhaps eager to explore its surroundings or perhaps it wanted my hug. Then it felt me and settled down in the warmth of the blanket. Ever so beautiful as the doctors and midwives have described.

Bittersweet Life

I often forget the reason of living. The oath we took before... the journey that began with pain and will end in pain. What happens in between is now. I am still searching the beauty of living, and I know where it is, but reaching this beauty is like climbing a slippery slope, on which when one falls, he falls so far below, and getting back up is hardly possible without the mental strength and in my terms is faith...