Waking Up to the Verses of Allah - on TV9

Recently I had the opportunity to be staying at Aloha Resorts in Pasir Ris. One morning I woke up for my Subuh and then I was greeted with the beautiful recitation of the Quran coming from the TV set, which my mom had switched on earlier.

It was a really beautiful experience for me, watching programmes that rejuvenate the soul and to be in a bungalow which allows the ambience of nature in - the living room of the bungalow has an open room concept, so I had a good view of the trees and the beach outside.

By the way, the TV channel I was watching is called TV9, a Malaysian channel that airs educational Islamic shows. I hope this channel can be made more easily available in Singapore, because there are plenty of useful advice and knowledge that we can get from it.

Very relevant for people who spend a lot of their time watching TV and surely a better alternative to watching endless soaps and Indonesian drama series.

Anyone can help me tweak my TV to get this channel?

Picture of my dad, my niece and my daughter in the bungalow's compound @Aloha Resorts

Daydreamers' Aspirations & Reality

I had once gone for a job interview where I had to take a test. There were a few questions which asked about my actual personality - whether I daydream and whether I think daydreaming is good for me.
I find these questions very weird, as I don't see a connection between the job and daydreaming.
But I figure this may be the employer's way to assess your honesty and your creativity. I think people who daydream are actually thinking hard on a creative idea or plan. Daydreaming is beneficial if the thoughts are followed up with actions.
In the real world, however, there are many aspirations unfulfilled, not because of them not been followed up with actions, but actions that are not seen by the right people.
So if you think and feel that an idea will work, go with it, and approach the right people and the right network. Be a student to their views, and recognise your efforts with a celebration, even a tiny one.

I Don't Know My Relatives - Family Cohesiveness

How often do you meet your relatives and what do you know about them? How do you continue to maintain family cohesiveness?

I have just returned from a wedding and many things had crossed my mind as I sat watching people come and  go.

Who Is Who
There were many guests who looked familiar but I couldn't put a name to their faces. I could smile at them and greet them, but I felt so embarassed because after so many years of my parents' efforts to introduce me to them, I couldn't remember their names and how they are related to me.

People Whom We Miss Dearly
It is also during such family gatherings that I realised the people who have left us. As I saw an old man making his way through the crowd, I immediately remembered his late wife and how cheerful she always had been when we visited her each year. I too recognised a lady who had always appeared in weddings with her mother but now she will be accompanied by someone else, because her mother had passed on.
The types of attendees at the wedding:

The Old-Timers
They form the most sociable group. They basically smile at everyone and know everyone. Don't be surprised if they can still remember what you did donkey years ago, that you yourself won't remember. I wonder if I can keep such a level of camaraderie at that old age.

The Mobile Fiddlers
Those who couldn't find anything to do or anyone to talk to. They usually would be busy keeping updates on their phones or playing a game.

The Wanderers
There are two groups for this category: child and adult. Children won't sit with their parents. They will walk towards something that interests them. Adults refer to people who are trying to find something to do besides just sitting and observing.

The Mentalists
These are people who observe, and analyse the crowd, exchanging glances but not interested to proceed to conversation. They usually prefer to be approached, then making the first approach.
I wonder what will happen after the old-timers generation. Will family cohesiveness between extended family members be just a thing of the past?

How do we maintain family cohesiveness? I think there should be more interaction between relatives, particularly since everyone is using social media platforms and messaging apps like facebook and whatsapp.

Someone in the family should take on the role of being the administrator, and collects everyone's names, addresses and facebook account names. A facebook page/group can be set up specifically for uploading photos of family members at an event or any details of upcoming events. This way, relatives can participate in online discussions, but the cons of this platform is that unhappiness may arise due to misunderstandings. But the administrator can delete hurtful comments and set up a policy against that.

Maintaining family ties is a big part of our lives and we should make this an effort now, in accordance to what Islam encourages. So, shall we begin?

How to Pray @ Work

Let's be more proactive and take our prayers seriously. You'll never know when it will be your  last.

Fashion Fix: Jumpsuit Jeopardy

A follow-up to the Jumpsuit Jeopardy post, here is a sketch of how to drop the cheekaboos.

Cheerful Tuesdays: The Conquest to Rejoice in Knowledge

Today is an important day. The day when I set foot on my mission - to rejoice in knowledge.

For many months, I have been sitting at the side of the field, not being able to join the winning crowd, as my feet were tied by the fake promise.

But fate has invited me back into the winning crowd.

Who are they? People with minds dedicated to winning, to triumph over worldly nothingness.

People with a mission that is not selfish for money. People who are blessed with the joys of nature and the fruitfulness of their age. People with no time to waste on useless knowledge.

The winning crowd have not much money. They have not much status. They have not much assets and investments.

They are ordinary people who believes that their lives are not self-controlled, and everything falls into place perfectly due to the Hands of God.

The winning crowd smile in anger and rejoice in knowledge. They are not living in a dream. They live the now, and plan for the future of mankind. They put others before self, and they are often the least popular and often forgotten in the fast growing materialistic society, where having wealth and high ranks mean more than anything else.

Brands, technology, politics - terms that do not bother the winning crowd. They will win even without knowledge of these areas.

The souls of the wining crowd are heavily guarded by the unseen armies of God, through the little but continuous efforts of remembrance, of the Highest Authority.

I would like to participate, and may this membership lasts till Eternity.

Islamographic: 7 Things A Muslim Wife Won't Tell Her Husband

Brilliant infographic - the first Muslim infographic I've ever seen...
http://muslimahlifestyle.com/7-things-your-muslim-wife-wont-tell-you/

Reminders from Allah: Mersmerized Webinar

Some sisters on the other side of the Earth had a webinar, and recorded the gems from the webinar here: http://muslimahlifestyle.com/webinar-review-mesmerised/

These points are what I really need to refresh my faith now:
Tawakkal not in the money you have, but Tawakkal in Allah, when money is taken away from you.

Allah has your best interest.

Find the one that tug your string from the Mersmerized webinar pointers.

Thank you Sisters for sharing. God bless you all.

Muslimah Wardrobe Malfunction: Jumpsuit Jeopardy

It's the jumpsuit season. I am not anti-jumpsuit but I always wonder why people wear jumpsuits since it is difficult to manage if you need to go to the ladies.

For muslimah fashionistas who wear jumpsuits, two important things to note:

1. You need a jumpsuit that is lose and looks baggy. Why? Because a fitting jumpsuit will emphasize the curves on your body especially the full shape of your behind. Worse is if the jumpsuit cuts into your butt.

Forget the jumpsuit if you are pregnant. You will look really stuffed up, and uncomfortable. And the jumpsuit will look stretched on your butt.

2. Even with a baggy jumpsuit, the shape of your butt will still be obvious. So you should wear a long cardigan to hide your behind.

Do not be a fashion victim, think modesty and seek Allah to guide you in what to wear.

Tears Heart September

This heart is weeping in September

The first cry, the first sight

that I long to have right

The long wait I will fight

to have you safe, day and night

The days when I'm with you

spin in my head, is this true

You were gone in one day

 I begged God to make u stay

Impossible as it seems
You musn't slip away my dear
Whatever theories did not change
This undying hope, nothing I fear

But God took you, my little love

You belong there, a place above

September comes with an empty hand

My heart weeps... but God will mend

New Mom's Crazy First Week

I remembered it still so vividly, the few days following my daughter's birth were really beyond my expectations.
Of course, I knew about how tired I would be, due to the night feeds, but I found myself pretty overwhelmed because...
1. Breastfeeding Round the Clock
 I didn't know baby would need to be breastfed every one and a half hour.
2. Guests from Near and Afar
I didn't know that I would have that many guests, (my baby was born in the middle of the Hari Raya season, so we had plenty of guests, especially because they also wanted to see my mom who was accompanying me during my confinement).
3. Pushing During Confinement
I had to ensure that my home looked neat and clean every day, as we were expecting guests almost every day for the first two weeks. Despite my confinement, I was actually doing almost all the housework, only at a slower pace.
4. Strangers Who Speak the Darnest Things
I didn't expect people to make personal comments about my body parts, and my efforts trying to breastfeed my baby. The comments came from people whom I wasn't even close to.
5. Baby, Me and Lots of "Baby Experts"
This one really drove me insane. People were literally not giving me and my baby space. There were in my room, right when I needed to rest and bond with my newborn. Yes, they are all giving me advice on how to care for my baby, despite my clear need for rest.
Thank you for the good intention but I would be more comfortable to learn these tips from my mom and mom-in-law, and more gradually over time. I will seek other's opinion when my maternal instinct tells me to.

So, if you are visiting a mom who has just given birth, it's never a good idea to visit too early. The first week is especially crucial for the new mom to rest and bond with baby. Also for the dad too, to adjust to the new responsibilities.
And if you are going to have many guests, lay the ground rules. Maybe it is a good idea to tell them what time they can come to visit you.

The Little One Left

Written in Memory of Baby Talhah (December 2012 - 1st February 2013)

The world turned silent
When you came as a surprise
And when I seemed unprepared
To care for a new life.
The world turned silent
The day you decided to leave
Just when I wanted to get to know you
Counting my days to meet you.
The world turned silent
When you left that morning
You left with no warning
Those hours hard and torturing.
The world turned silent
When will we meet again?
I dream we will hug in Heaven
And I can finally ease this pain.
The world turned silent
For my September baby,
You will still be remembered
As a precious little part of me.

Moments of Gratefulness

Hours of waiting in fear, wondering what will the doctor do or say to you, were over. Now I felt like I was wasting my time, knowing the result already and still having to go through the protocol, so that the doctor has a documentation of my case.
As I continued the waiting game and feeling empty and still shocked, something tells me that I should turn the situation around.
Instead of asking "why did it happen to me?", I should be saying "Thank you, God. You've planned everything so nicely for me, and you always have better plans for me for whatever that you've taken from me."
I should be grateful for whatever results God has given. It is the best that suits me, and it already encompasses whatever I need.

Talhah

Today you left us as God has a better place for you. Although I only carried you for a month, I am grateful that this time, unlike the time when I was pregnant with your eldest sibling, I was able to feel your presence. I thought I will be able to cuddle and nurse you. But God wants us to meet later, in a better location, not in the environment of the aging Earth. Perhaps you can also feel that Mommy has been complaining a lot about the quality of living now. And God has made the best choice for us.

I can imagine you already with Kautsar, in the Gardens of Paradise. Tell Kautsar Mommy will come soon. Mommy can't wait to see the both of you and love you very much.

Elderly Having to Queue at Polyclinic

As I visited the polyclinic today, I saw the harsh realities of our Singapore healthcare system. Despite the newly refurbished looks and extra consultation rooms plus more staff I believe, many patients were waiting for their turns, and a group of them in their late 50s, were complaining to the patient service people at the counter, about why their queue numbers were still not being called. This was not even during busy hours. In fact, it was already 3pm. What actually is happening...even the toilets are dirty now. Is it because the polyclinic management can no longer keep up with the larger influx of immigrants and the growing number of patients? I have no idea how the polyclinic has changed so quickly in just a year. It was also painful to see the very frail elderly patients with eyes glued to the screens watching out for their number. Even more painful was the sight of an elderly man who was working as a cleaner there. I wish the elderly do not have to work as cleaners. Is this the kind of lifestyle that we want in exchange of economic interest?

Bad Maid Experience - The Diva Attitude

10 Annoying Things About My ex-Saudi Diva Maid

1. Gave my daughters (1.5 and 4 year olds) meals with fishbones ( 2cm long), and when I pointed them out, she laughed it off. She will laugh when she gets one stuck in her throat.

2. Forcefully handles my 1.5 year old, even when she is wailing hard. Would just talk to my young kids in firm voice. Shows no love for the small kids. My daughters still dislike her up till now. Always looked at my children as if they are a burden to her.

3. Did not clean my baby properly, sweeps the baby wipes from faeces soiled parts to the front. I advised her, that this can cause urine infection. My baby's shirts and pants will also smell of faeces after the diaper change (due to her slip shod cleaning method, I suppose her hands are not properly washed with soap, and still have faeces remaining which transferred to my baby, when she carried her.) but she won't bother to change them.

4. Eats chilli padi with almost all her meals but ironically, she washes off all the spices of the McDonald's prosperity burger I had bought for her and threw away a big portion. And made a big fuss about the sauce burning her throat to her lungs.

5. Would read my magazines ( I offered to lend her as she claimed that she loves to read) and returned them in very bad condition.

6. Would just sit and observe other people when she was supposed to observe my curious young kids who often wander about and she did not realise their disappearance until I raise the alarm.

7. Always leaves the light on when no one is using, even when I told her to try save electricity. She even slept with the lights on.

8. Spins the laundry and carelessly also dumped my daughter's shoe in it.

9. Almost burnt my kitchen by always using strong flame although I have taught her to use small flame....

And lastly, but most strongly!

10. Tried to suck up to my husband, scolded me for asking my husband to help me run some errands. Even asked my husband to back her up when I was pointing out one of her mistakes. She said I complained too much and she didn't see anything wrong with her work. My husband asked me to apologise to her and reprimanded me for causing my maid to be upset.

See how the innocent looks of this "religious and well-mannered" FDW eventually brings nothing but trouble to my family. A family who is trying to keep up with the nation's fast pace, trying to make ends meet while trying to be good parents to our young children...who then had to encounter people who are not honest to fulfill their duties and to honour their 2-year contract. And this family had to lose money, time, and gain lots of unnecessary mental and emotional exhaustion from dealing with such unexpected FDW / helper behaviour.

Full Time Working Mom Story - Cold Hearted Career Minded?

As a mom sets out to work, the heavy feeling of leaving her crying infant plagues her. She will no longer be able to be by her little child's side as she had been doing for the past 3 months, since giving birth.

She also knows that her baby will not take expressed milk and wonders what will happen 2 hours later after she has gone, and the baby starts to cry for milk. The worry is so apparent on her face, and she looks down and frown, feeling the guilt of being perhaps a selfish mom.

She quickly turns cold hearted and reminds herself that she needs to return to the office to ensure operations are running smoothly, and produce top-notch results. And she needs to have a stable income, to make sure there is enough to feed, clothe, educate and yes, a little to pamper the apple of her eye. Modern living gets too expensive for her to just accept a single breadwinner income.

So...she heads for work, with determination and hope for a bright future for her kids, a life so  much better than what she is having now.

Life at work is not easy, with standards set high, standards that the single men and ladies, or couples with no children yet can achieve with fewer qualms, than the mom who has her motherhood responsibilities 24-7 on her shoulders.

This mom however aspires to also rise up to the challenge and proves that being a mother does not affect the quality of her job. Yes, she pushed herself, close to the point of insanity. Her mind's set for success...

Oops, sometimes she falters and forgets that her kids will be waiting for her return. She forgets that the little child sitting on her lap needs her attention, while her mind wanders off to business matters unfulfilled at work.

The feeling of guilt resurfaces and she knows she needs to make it up to her kids. Mom's so sorry, darlings. We'll play together tomorrow...

Are your kids happy with you? Are your kids still looking up to you as their mom, and want to be close to you? Even when you have a caretaker, your kids will prefer sitting close to you than the caretaker?

Appreciate the feelings of guilt. It shows that God has blessed you and your kids with a very strong emotional bond.

Appreciate that your little children cry or throw tantrums whenever you leave for work. It shows that they are perfectly normal kids, and they enjoy being with you so much that they hate even your short disappearance.

Appreciate the dual working mom roles that you are playing, because your contribution now takes a wider scope, and if you are sincere in your daily tasks, you will be duly rewarded within the tangible and the intangible realms.

Moms, accept the hard realities of being a working mom and just enjoy the fuss. Droopy eyelids, crows feet, laugh lines and greying hair... Let's just...
Breathe...

Oh, wait a minute... Look! You are the people who will be changing the world!

3 Crucial Marriage Tips

3 Tips For Making a Marriage Work

Sometimes, when you least expect it, a marriage gets rocky, and before it gets worse, there are things you can and should do to save that marriage. 1.  Lower your expectations of your spouse. Often disagreement is caused by different levels of expectations related to an issue. If my spouse has an approach to an issue and that approach doesn't cross the religious boundaries, then I will give in and quietly back off. But I will also share my point of view with him indirectly through means that he won't see as confrontational. 2.   Make time to do some special things for your spouse. Buy him something he loves, cook for him his favourite meal, and be extra "hot" when the both of you are going to bed. One aspect that people often overlook is what you call your spouse. Call him with a sweet name, in a sweet tone. 3.   Accept your spouse for whoever he is. He is the best that God has selected for you. Be grateful if he has been an honest and loyal partner. When he errs, remind him of what God requires us to do, but in ways that will not affect his ego (it's hard, but with experience, we will find his soft spot).

Special Baby Soffyah - Ventriculomegaly at Birth

Soffyah is a special baby born on 5th April 2011, placed immediately in Special Care Nursery right after birth, and went through MRI when she was 3 days old.

Baby Soffyah was diagnosed with fetal ventriculomegaly at 20 weeks during a prenatal checkup. The ultrasound technician, while scanning, kept asking me if the doctor said anything about the baby, and no, I was clueless for what was to come.

I was then sent for a more detailed scan where the doctor then confirmed the condition. But before the doctor told me about the condition, I was prepared for the worse, as I caught a glimpse of the scan showing a big liquid-filled space in my baby's head, where there was supposed to be brain tissues.

I googled and found some inspiring stories about ventriculomegaly babies, some of them are worse off than others. But there were some quotes I can never forget.

Special babies are given to special moms. Believe in your child, and have faith that he or she will be just fine. 

Ventriculomegaly babies, depending on the seriousness of the brain abnormality, can suffer from developmental delays - mental and physical, and are also at risk of death in early childhood.

Wild thoughts ran through my mind during those days when I was not sure what my baby will be like. Will she be able to walk, talk, or look like other normal babies? Will she be able to survive at all? I have lost my first child and I do not want to lose another one. I prayed hard that she will be fine, and I asked that God give me the strength to be a good mom to her. They were the scariest days of my pregnancy. I tried however to distract myself from thinking too much about it.

The doctor monitored the size of her head during the following pre-natal scans and it was certain that her head was bigger than normal. When she was born, I was thankful to see that her head looks pretty fine and in proportion to her little chubby body.

Post-delivery, she was taken immediately to the Special Care Nursery, where doctors and nurses took many tests and continued to monitor her condition. I was discharged from the hospital the next day, but my baby had to stay in hospital for a few more days as the doctor wanted to do an MRI on her.

I went home without baby, far from being able to cuddle and breastfeed her as I had planned to. During the quiet moments at home, I will remember her and start to tear, and pray so that she could be quickly discharged, and so that her brain would heal by God's will.

I called the doctor up every day to ask about my baby. On the 3rd day, I received good news that my baby could be discharged. I hurried to fetch her, and was so elated to finally have her in my arms again. Before leaving the hospital, she cried as she was hungry, and I managed to breastfeed her for the very first time.

We had to return to the hospital for frequent weekly checks, and then monthly checks. The doctors put baby Soffyah under the Early Intervention Program, where she had regular sessions with the physiotherapist who checked her growth and development and who helped us train her so that she would not be too far behind the normal babies.

It was an eye opener for me being in the Early Intervention Program sessions. I saw many kids, from babies to older kids, with conditions that are not normal, accompanied by their parents to meet their therapists. I felt so much for them, and I know that their parents are really strong people, who have braved the hardships they have met along the way as they raise their special kids. These meetings reminded me of how we should be grateful for what God has blessed us with, because there are reasons why God wants it that way. And God always wants the best for us.

We also had appointments with the neurosurgeon who monitors her head scans, and her mental and physical development. There were also the routine monthly checks by the pediatrician who will look out for any signs of developmental delay.

On one of our visits, when Baby Soffyah was 5 months, the pediatrician was not too satisfied with her response during the knee jerk test, and her overall "floppiness". Her muscles were weak. We were sent for another head scan a few weeks later.

The earlier sessions with the physiotherapist always made me feel depressed at the end of the sessions. Baby Soffyah didn't do too well for her tests, where she had to perform an action and was graded by her response. For example, when she was required to lift her head and hold it for 10 seconds, she managed only 3 seconds. Each time I returned from the sessions, I would end up feeling that I didn't do as best as I could have done to help baby Soffyah.

We prayed hard - my husband and I, his family and mine. We did special prayers to seek God's assistance in helping baby Soffyah develop into a normal healthy baby.

When she turned one year (in picture, as she had first birthday celebration), we had an appointment with the neurosurgeon where we were greeted with very good news. He said that baby Soffyah's head size looked fine, and her development was on par with the normal babies her age. He also said that we should not worry, because she could have just suffered from a stroke while she was in my womb, but the brain is plastic and has made up for the loss by itself. He confirmed by looking again at the head scans and told us that the size of the brain ventricles did not increase.

As a standard procedure, we still have to visit the neurosurgeon for another year, and if there is no cause for concern, she can be discharged. For now, we are enjoying every little time we have with each other, discovering the funny and cute sides of this ventriculomegaly survivor - our special baby.

When Working Moms Earn, Save, Invest for Allah

Send the right cues to your children on the importance of appreciating  and managing wealth for the sake of Allah. What have we spent for Allah, especially for Allah today?

In the hustle and bustle of city life, the busy working mom will often live according to schedule, the demands of work and the needs of her family.

Without the right spiritual motivation, she will soon be living in a mental state ruled by social influence and most dangerously, materialism. Soon, her children too will be subconsciously taking in the cue that life is about being rich, buying expensive things, and being respected by others. Even in school, the values taught to the children circle around getting good grades that will allow getting a job that pays well.

Nothing wrong with getting a good pay, but the disturbing thing is what do they use the large amount of money for? Often the hard earned money is lavished on branded goods and high tech gadgets that soon got outdated and the desire to stay current with the trend then becomes overpowering. So more and more money is spent on goods that are far from necessary!

Remember that most of those who will dwell in Heaven are poor people. Remember that the Prophet Muhammad s.a.w. gave up almost all of his wealth to help the poor and needy, and to spend according to what God has commanded him to. There is no fear at all about not having enough for himself. He has trusted in God and God will take care of that.

And remember that the more wealth we have, the more accountable we are in the Hereafter, where Allah will question us on how well we have used our wealth in the ways that please Him.

God loves those who work to earn a living, and God wants us to wisely manage what we earned. To put the Now and the Hereafter in the right perspective. My former ustaz, the late Kiyai Haji Kassim Bin Adenan always mentioned this in his lessons:

"Use your lifetime to plant, (invest) for akhirat."

Lifetime is not about realising materialistic fantasies...huge modernistic houses, expensive requirements for entertainment, luxury cars, fine dining. Such desires often stem from the feeling of ungratefulness. The temptation that always lures you to getting more than what you have.

Of course, at times, you feel like having that extra piece of something, perhaps an occasional expensive item to add to your wardrobe. But before you make that purchase, just reflect back on what better use of that money, if you had put it to help someone in dire need. Or simply, instead of buying something really unnecessary for yourself, e.g. a Gucci handbag when you already have a Kate Spade tote bag, buy something necessary for yourself or for another person that will remind us of Allah.

One suggestion is to save that money and bring your family to the places where our Prophet and his Sahabah have left behind their footprints, and also visit the living Sheikhs, the people who have been devoting most of their lives in gratefulness and longing to meet their Creator and their beloved Prophet. They are the people who are blessed with the ability to help others see the ultimate Truth needed to lead a successful life now and in the Hereafter. 

You will never know when the switch will be turned off. If the inevitable happens and God takes back what He has been giving you so far, it is a little too late to properly "invest" in akhirat.

Let's now think about what we have spent for Allah, especially for Allah today. Let's step back and look at the bigger picture. Remind ourselves: Invest for akhirat.

A beautiful prayer that a mom should recite each time she leaves the house for work in the morning:

O Allah, please bless me and my family with the benefits of this job, and guide us to use them well in ways that please You. And keep us away from the harm and the shortcomings of this job, that we know or we do not know of.