Thursday, January 14, 2010

When mommy is sick

When mommy is sick, she couldn't eat. She couldn't smile, couldn't feed you and couldn't play with you. She could only get away from you and disappears into God knows where. The pain would be unbearable, and would prevent her from enjoying what others can. The pain is the reason why she couldn't go for outings, vacations, and even classes that she would have loved to attend. The pain that has been with her for close to twenty years reminds her again and again of all the bad experiences she had had before. Through her tough times trying to get on with life despite the pain. It happens anytime, anywhere, not considering the occasions, whether it is an important examination, or whether it is during a long journey in a vehicle, or even when she is in need of sleep.

But life has to be optimistic. Life is about a job, being a mother, a friend, a wife, and a part of a family. The reason that God has created the pain is perhaps to get me to step back and look at the reality of life. To see what I have taken for granted. To fill each second with a deed, to remember to thank Him for each second of life given. Mommy will do this job well, and will get the best out of this situation. Despite the hardship, God has given so much more.

When you were just 3 months old, Mommy had to leave you and stay in a hospital. Back then, Mommy thought that my days with you perhaps were limited to just that 3 months. The stones had caused tremendous pain and a series of vomitting that prevented Mommy from getting any food in for about two days. I felt that I was wasting away. I felt that I was a terribly mother, having to leave and couldn't feed my baby who is waiting to be nursed at home. I cried each time I vomitted. Even a sip of Milo can't get through my system. My body was in fact rejecting all food. That was when I really broke down and had to be consoled by the nurse. She said that for the sake of my baby, I had to be strong. I had to recover and I must.

Indeed, I should, but given that situation when you are just 3 months and I was still recuperating from childbirth, I wasn't prepared for a major operation like that. I knew that my body is not going to be healthy anymore, perhaps more will come along the way, but I will just take things one day at a time.

With whatever flesh and organs I have left, I will fight my pain to care for my loved ones. And I will always be grateful for all the pains, the ailments and the hardships that I have to go through because I know that God loves me for this.

No comments: