Self Reinforcement of a Full Time Working Mom

1. I am working to bring goodness to the family, not only in terms of financial gain, but also knowledge gain.

2. I will make time to be with my children, and will guide them for as much as I can, in my presence or absence (enrolling them in meaningful classes or activities).

3. The helper I have chosen is helping me to look after my kids. But she will not be expected to be perfect. I will need to teach her the things she can to improve her caretaker skills.

4. To ensure the day goes smoothly, I will plan more systematically and more frequently to prepare for important events. My plan must be scheduled around my kids, e.g. Nap time is part of routine, as they need adequate rest.

5. I am responsible for ensuring that resources are not wasted. I will buy bulk purchases and use discounts in order to save some of the monthly budget. I will not spend on anything that does not fall under the Needs category, but will set aside some budget once a week for a family outing.

6. I will exercise at least twice a week, and will encourage others to do the same.

7. I will learn a new skill each month and teach my kids if relevant.

How Do You Keep Your Sanity and Dignity as a Full Time Working Mom

When office duty called over two weekends, I thought that I wouldn't have enough time for a fulfilling activity with my two busy tots.

Or that I wouldn't have time to complete the extra office task that I had brought home.

But things went better than expected. I managed to bring the kids to a waterplay area near our home, and also did some retail therapy with the kids plus played with them the toys they have bought later that evening.

The day culminated with everyone feeling satisfied and I even managed to complete the office task when the kids were asleep.

What kept me in momentum was the priorities of my day's tasks, and to set a lower expectation of what I can achieve that day, especially considering the kids' temperament that day. On a good day, my kids will want to sit in their pram and I will be able to do my purchases faster than if they decided to walk and control where they want to go.

I also made sure that I do something that will make me happy - bought my favourite cupcakes and savoured the taste slowly.

But what I forgot to do was to check the time when I was finishing my office task that night. Yes, I got carried away and ended up feeling sleep-deprived the next day.

Your Sanity

Lesson 1. ;-) Plan your task and prioritise.

Lesson 2. ;-) Set lower expectations when managing time. You are juggling between the unpredictable events in motherhood and the always-urgent office duties. This is no easy feat but you will soon master your own unique time management strategy.

Lesson 3. :-) Keep happy, via the joyful little things.

Your Dignity

Lesson  1. Plan your leave days in advance so you can participate in your kids' school events, and establish better rapport with the teachers.

Lesson 2. Have some interesting snacks and toys handy whenever you bring them out. So these can be used as distraction in episodes of crying tantrums.

Lesson 3. Do not entertain people who have zero tolerance for your kid's antics, provided your kids are not doing dangerous activities.

May Success be with you...

Confession of an IT Goner - Falling in Love With My Internet Marketing Job

Down the memory lane entering the Google and Internet Marketing World

It was a bizarre experience - applying for a job that I had never imagined doing. Since having annoying episodes of erronous programming, I told myself that working in IT will be something I ought to avoid.

But fate had it otherwise. While 4 months pregnant with my third child, I applied for a part time post to help supplement the household income, since we were 'expanding' as a family. A week later, I was welcomed with good news, plus the bonus of working only 4 bus stops away from home.

Within three months, my knowledge of websites, search engines and the Internet multiplied quickly and I was given the trust to write creatives and research to help local and overseas manufacturing companies meet their sales targets.

Right through the pregnancy, I was in full gear, learning pretty hot stuff about the Web.

My first SEM campaign went quite well. This made me addicted to more success through better strategy implementation and more knowledge of best practices.

Of course, a few strategies turned awry, but these provided a foundation of what to avoid in future. I take pride in sharing these mistakes to the customers, as people value transparency, and honesty.

I took a whole 2 years to truly understand the realm of online marketing. At the moment, I am devising ways to help other Internet Marketing professionals manage their time and resources more efficiently.

I am online for more than 12 hours a day, finding more thrill from the Internet. Riding Gangnam style on search engines, social media and very technical and industrial terms...

Oppa Google Style!

Great-to-Have Resources for Your Ageing Parents

Do you find yourself lost when your parents are ill? What information will be good to have to care for your ageing parents? What government incentives can you take advantage of?

 Recently, I have been doing a lot of online research to find out how to help my mom solve her swollen leg problem. As my mom's mobility worsen due to her painful leg, I began to look for answers on how to help her control her weight, to alleviate her leg pain. It also struck me that I need to stay equipped with useful health and caregiver resources, and to have a ready list of healthcare/emergency services that I can use in needful situations.

It is not enough to rely on a foreign domestic worker who is young and has no healthcare background to look after your ageing parent.

You need to have the knowledge to share useful caregiver tips to them, or if you don't, the caregiver must be given the training or essential resources that will help in the long-term care of your parents.

 Here are some of the tools I suggest everyone who cares for their ageing parents should have:

•   Health Apps - Include Find A Doctor App, Diet and Activity Tracker, Glossary of Medical Symptoms in the SingHealth App 
•   C3A App - Services, discounts and activities for senior citizens 
•   Caregiver's Handbook by Asian Women's Welfare Association. Perhaps you can use this to guide the FDW you have employed to care for your parent. 
•   Singapore Silver Pages - Resources for Elderly, Family Members and Caregivers 
•   Silver Infocomm HotSpots - Free Internet for above 60. If your parent loves to learn about the Internet Technology, they can visit nearby community centres for an IT session. 

Some tech stuff I strongly recommend that will benefit the senior citizens who are already using mobile phones:

•  WhatsApp - Free messaging tool 
•  Facebook - For sharing the joys of their children and grandchildren, and for keeping in touch with their friends
• Google Maps - For GPS 
•  YouTube - Watching online lessons, e.g. hobbies-related, spiritual or simply entertainment 

 As the number of older people in our society increases, we need to have more self-reliance, and not be too dependent on hospitals or FDWs. More importantly, we know our parents more, and we should get to know more about what they want, so that they can spend their days in greater comfort.

 By keeping updated with the latest available resources, we can decide better on what will be best to help our parents, and what not to do.

 I don't know how much longer I will live, but if I grow old into the 60s, I would want to have access to information that matters about my health, finance, and ongoing online and offline activities/lessons that I can participate in. I would also love to find out the latest updates on my siblings, my close friends, my children and my grandchildren, especially.

Thank You Family Support Network

It's been a busy 12 h work-at-home day for me? The monthly reports have to be settled before I set out for a short getaway with my family.

My poor kids were wondering why their mommy was spending all the time fixed in front of her laptop, right on a weekend. My helper was entertaining them, and making sure to distract them from me. My mom was the day's time checker, and reminded me on my meal times and to take breaks.

At the end of the day, my kids were super possessive of their mommy, and both were pulling me to play with them. It made me realise how much time I had been emotionally away from them, although I was doing work at home, in their presence.

I am truly blessed to have such an awesome family support network. I wouldn't be able to complete my job and succeed in my tasks, without them. Life is much smoother and happier, as some of the important daily tasks are already taken cared of.

I am planning some gifts for their dedication in caring for my precious little girls.

Thank your family support network...

Starting Life Afresh

It's the New Muslim Calendar Year. And praise to the Almighty, I have made several little improvements in my habits, and my living space.

To improve quality of life, yourself, your family, your friends and acquaintances.

Life must begin with a pure intention, followed by systematic means of achieving that goal.

Live on the foundation of truth and seek the best path. Each individual is born with a mission and so do it well.

A quote from my late teacher,

Be like the bees, work hard to make honey, something useful for everyone.

Points to think about:

How can I make my days more fruitful?
How do I inject more meaningful task in my family's daily activities?
How do I make my parents happy in the long run? What can I plan for them?
How do I contribute to the community with the skills that I have?

I believe there is something I must do before I grow older. So let's not waste the precious time. Be 'that' person now. The best of what you are!

Don't Let Others Judge Your Work Life Balance

I am more convinced now that we should be more in control of the decisions we make in our lives. Knowing that we are the product of our thoughts and actions. If we enjoy what we are doing and are finding happiness in it, even if others don't see it that way, then we should be confident and carry on, bearing in mind that the end of our actions will be good. "It is through happiness that we will achieve success. Before going to bed each night, try thinking of at least two things that made you happy that day." I quoted from Lisa Quast's article on work-life balance. I guess if we really practise this each day, we will be living in gratitude, and will have a heightened awareness of the things that matter to our success. Don't be a slave to a jumbled mess of thoughts and comments. Stick to the values you believe in, and aim to improve the quality of life - for yourself and others. Discard unhappiness from your memory space, and treat it as moments that have made you stronger inside. Forgive every soul that has ever hurt you. Happiness will come as you drift into the slumberland of peace.

Being An Introvert Is Good Too

Watch this TED presentation to find out why being an introvert has many advantages and why the society needs to accomodate to introverts. http://www.ted.com/talks/susan_cain_the_power_of_introverts.html?fb_ref=talk

Becoming the Best Singapore Working Mums, Tips on Negotiating for Flexi Work

Becoming the Best Singapore Working Mums, Tips on Negotiating for Flexi Work,  Singapore Motherhood -
from Yesterday's Mums@Work Event: Can Women Have It All? Successful Work-Life Balance Book Launch by Sher-li Torrey and Ruth Wong

Define and decide your priorities. Only you can decide.

Me: I am a little indecisive. It's time I sit down with pen and paper and get down to a decision.

What is balance for you? Some jobs make it difficult to balance work and life. Be aware of that, and find ways to overcome that.

Me: I am thankful that my job has been pretty kind to me.

The busiest mothers are the best mothers.

Me: Yes, I agree, but as a busy mother, I often neglect myself.

What is important for me to be sane? Some things are unnegotiable. So decide on what you want.

Me: I was just reading an article on jobs with the most and the least psychopath. I am glad I don't belong the extreme psychopath group.

Help other mothers to be the best that they can be.

Me: This is a wake-up call for me. I must also help others, not only myself.

Having a supportive network - your in-laws, your helper -  is important.

Me: Thankful that they have been very kind and understanding, and nothing can repay their kindness.

Enjoy the journey - don't keep looking for the balance. Age will tell, as you learn to recognise the conflicts.

Me: I have yet to master the skill of enjoying the journey. Perhaps age will tell, as mentioned.

Let go - you don't have to fulfill all your priorities. It's OK.

Me: Letting go sometimes involve a job half-done or mission not accomplished, and I hate that. But for the sake of keeping my sanity, I will.

Cut some slack, life doesn't revolve around just your kids. You have to also give attention to your husband, your other family members and yourself too.

Me: I will plan more this time, so that I can make time for all the other important people in my life.

Conduct a thorough interview when getting helpers. Because they are the ones who will be looking after our kids.

Me: I am guilty of getting a helper instantly and end up being disappointed with her antics. Will surely pay more attention to the selection process this time.

Parenthood is a shared responsibility between mum AND dad.

Me: Agreed. Hello Mr, are you listening?

Is there a way the government can not make mothers have to decide between work and family?

Me: I shan't say more.

Have the leadership principle - Make the first step e.g. get extra help, negotiate with your boss.

Me: I am a self-starter,  thanks to the type A personality that God has given me.

Know your strength, match it to your business and then do a balance sheet.

Me: My strength is creative and emphatic. Well, I have decided on my business niche, and am still in research phase. Just to launch it in a proper way.

Think about how to make the marriage sustainable.

Me: Another imporant aspect I agree.

Do it, then evaluate. Plan, and you will get better.

Push the envelope and create a win-win kind mindset. You have to see from both sides (Employer vs employee)

Me: Don't shortchange your employer or even anyone else. Always give more than you receive.

Convince your employer that face-time is not as important as your work output. This will take time, as you build the confidence in your employer.

Me: I can produce good work output sometimes at home too. It doesn't matter where you are, as long as you are sincere and disciplined in your work.

Have professionalism in what you say to your boss, when you negotiate. 

Me: I have gone through that phase, it was nerve-wrecking, but it's worth taking the plunge.

Flexi work is not about shortened work hours, but it is just about not working 8 hours in a capitalist order.

Me: I second this.

Final words from the experts:
Listen to your heart.
List and then compare at the end of the day.
It's alright if you can't find the balance. Use the pockets of time you have.
Ask for help when you need it.

Baby Sofyyah

Your presence into my life is a pleasant surprise. I thought that for a long time, it would just be your elder sister accompanying me in this little family. But all praises to Allah who has granted our wish with children whom we'll be proud of in the Hereafter.

At 29 weeks, the doctor said your head is slightly swollen. I saw something not so normal too on the scan, and I got so worried sick that for a few weeks, my thought was always on you. Though now, I am accepting the fact that this may just be something normal, and that maybe I have it too, but the doctors of the olden days could not detect it because back then there were no scans like this.

Your powerful movements in my womb show that you are a survivor. Simply one who's determined, just like your elder sister. I really can't wait to see you...Now that you are in there for almost 38 weeks. Only a few more days before you will be cuddled by everyone in the family. We so are in love with you already baby Sofyyah. May you be a healthy and beautiful baby...darling.

Dedicated to Sis Raihan

I have just gotten news that one of my relatives has passed on. She was someone who has religiously sticked to the Rules of Allah, up till the time she died. Although she had a "sickness" that most others who have will shun from Allah, the sickness does not make her forget Allah. She could be the "other person", at the same time, she fought back and showed her faith in Allah.

My encounters with her are too few, but her cheerfulness and peace shining through her face shall always be in mind.

May Allah grant  you paradise, Sis. The best one you could ask for...

Don’t Be Deceived By Worldly Things. A lecture by Shaykh Zahir Mahmood

All men die with unfulfilled aspirations. So, rushing after things we do not have is one more sneaky attempt to deceive people and lead them astray.

When mommy is sick

When mommy is sick, she couldn't eat. She couldn't smile, couldn't feed you and couldn't play with you. She could only get away from you and disappears into God knows where. The pain would be unbearable, and would prevent her from enjoying what others can. The pain is the reason why she couldn't go for outings, vacations, and even classes that she would have loved to attend. The pain that has been with her for close to twenty years reminds her again and again of all the bad experiences she had had before. Through her tough times trying to get on with life despite the pain. It happens anytime, anywhere, not considering the occasions, whether it is an important examination, or whether it is during a long journey in a vehicle, or even when she is in need of sleep.

But life has to be optimistic. Life is about a job, being a mother, a friend, a wife, and a part of a family. The reason that God has created the pain is perhaps to get me to step back and look at the reality of life. To see what I have taken for granted. To fill each second with a deed, to remember to thank Him for each second of life given. Mommy will do this job well, and will get the best out of this situation. Despite the hardship, God has given so much more.

When you were just 3 months old, Mommy had to leave you and stay in a hospital. Back then, Mommy thought that my days with you perhaps were limited to just that 3 months. The stones had caused tremendous pain and a series of vomitting that prevented Mommy from getting any food in for about two days. I felt that I was wasting away. I felt that I was a terribly mother, having to leave and couldn't feed my baby who is waiting to be nursed at home. I cried each time I vomitted. Even a sip of Milo can't get through my system. My body was in fact rejecting all food. That was when I really broke down and had to be consoled by the nurse. She said that for the sake of my baby, I had to be strong. I had to recover and I must.

Indeed, I should, but given that situation when you are just 3 months and I was still recuperating from childbirth, I wasn't prepared for a major operation like that. I knew that my body is not going to be healthy anymore, perhaps more will come along the way, but I will just take things one day at a time.

With whatever flesh and organs I have left, I will fight my pain to care for my loved ones. And I will always be grateful for all the pains, the ailments and the hardships that I have to go through because I know that God loves me for this.

parents' negligence

Yesterday, I felt queasy after reading the article on the second case of dad killing his 2-year old daughter. In just a week, there were already two such cases. The dads, flared up by their toddlers' curiosity, easily killed the toddlers by merely kicking and stepping on their small and fragile bodies. These men had not appreciated the wonderful beings that God has given them as life's gifts. They couldn't see the opportunities of growth these children have. All they see are their children's mistakes over and over again. All they see are stupidity and stubborness. They did not realise that every child is born with a curious mind, because there are plenty of things to learn about in this world. The brain must be trained to accept knowledge and it is through play and meddling with the objects they see, children learn about their world. Why must we punish them for the natural things that God has made them for? Are the dads trying to exert their fatherly authority over their kids too early without proper knowledge of how to teach their kids? Have they forgotten how their own parents raised them? Were they punished to such an extent? I have never heard of a punishment such as stepping and kicking your child. In fact, the use of the leg to hurt someone is only applicable in self defence and not in raising your kids! I do worry sometimes, when emotions run amok, and you just feel that the right thing to do is to hit your child in order to teach him or her a lesson. But wait, how does the prophet does it? In fact, the prophet does not even hit his grandchildren who climbed over his body when he was performing his prayer. In Islam, the first few years of life, is all about playing. Because kids learn a lot from play. Then only when the kids reach the age of ten, some form of discipline is practised to ensure that the kids will have a good grounding in performing the five prayers of the day, and also the Ramadhan fast. There are also ways to hit a child. Never ever should he or she be hit on the face, because the face is where a person's self respect is. And should the child be reprimanded, it should be done away from where others could see. Not in the middle of a busy place, where your child would feel embarrassed. If only the present generation of Muslim families practise the teachings of the prophet, such depressing news of the dead toddlers won't be heard. To me, the toddlers are like roses still in the bud. Before they could bloom, someone stomped on them purposely till the buds lose all their petals.

Kautsar

I have always procrastinated doing this, but today, after learning about my friend's loss, I think my unborn child has every right to be named. I still wonder if it is a boy or girl, but Allah knows best. The name suits either gender. And best of all, it means a lot to me. Abundance..that is what Allah has given us. Yet, we always fail to realise. My baby who was with me from October 2007 till December 2007 will always be part of me. Kautsar has also made me aware of how life is too transient to be significant. Kautsar preferred to be where eternity is and where evil can't touch.

It dawned upon me

Barely two hours after subuh, I am at the computer reading some good muslimah mommies' blogs. 'Good' because there are many advices on matters of the heart as well as daily activities. Lessons I learnt are:
We do not deserve to be given Islam. It is all by Allah's grace. We are nobody, and really needy. And on the topic of advising others on their mistakes, we must always remember that we shouldn't dishonor the person who makes a mistake, but instead we should use creative ways so that the person knows we want to help him/her.

I also wish to remind myself that there is a greater world of muslim people out there and many have been given great 'ujian' especially those who are involved in natural calamities and war. My heart and prayers go out to them. May Allah unite our hearts and lead us in the path of peace. Amin..Ya Rabbal 'alamin.

What do I spend on

To spend or not? What do I spend on? Things that I spend on are just little rewards for myself. But some times I do splurge on things like shoes or bags that I believe should be heavy duty and must meet a certain quality. Today I felt a little guilty conscious after spending on what I believe was unnecessary and should have been better used on food. Thinking about it makes me feel bad almost a whole day, but if I were to quantify the cost per day, it is just about a dollar plus. Perhaps there is a reason why I was driven to buy it. I might be needing it in future, only God knows.

Sometimes, I wish I can live life on a daily basis. Spend only on what I need for the day, and not as if I live for the next few months or even years. Now I feel the crunch of spending even on cheap things. Because the total cost of all cheap things bought does equal to an expensive stuff that I may have avoided. I vouch no longer to spend on these unnecessary things be it a reward I deserve or a really cheap thing. From now on, I hope I can live humbly and with gratitude over what I already have and not hoping for the worldly stuff that I do not have. An investment is only on education, knowledge, food, health and religious causes.

Resolutions

May Allah grant all these:

1. To think of Allah's redha in everything I do
2. To give 100% sincerity in fulfilling my responsibilities as a wife, mom, daughter and most importantly as someone whose life is owed to Allah's generosity
3. To read at least one page of Qur'an everyday
4. To be more generous with my smile when I meet others outside, even if they do not wish to smile at me
5. To have only one place to share my feelings, be it happiness or anguish. The place shall be in my own heart directly with Allah, because only He knows best
6. To not talk about other's weaknesses
7. To invest my time for akhirat, not for the search of pahala, but for the ability to meet Allah and His Messenger, Nabi Muhammad

The True Job, God is My Boss

Often people frown on my decision to be a SAHM. "A university graduate gave up her job to look after her baby" seems not to be an ideal scenario for everyone. Because "you need to earn money to help your husband and prepare for the future". Well, what if my husband has brought home enough for the three of us? We can even still afford to shop and eat out sometimes. I believe God has given me far more than enough. This is based on logical thinking that my father used to feed five with the same amount that my husband now has to feed only three. Also I do not fret for the future, because God has prepared what I need.

"A total waste of skills?" Very wrong perception that is. As an author named Dorothy Patterson said..

"Homemaking — being a full-time wife and mother — is not a destructive drought of uselessness but an overflowing oasis of opportunity; it is not a dreary cell to contain your talents and skills but a brilliant catalyst to channel creativity and energies into meaningful work ... it is neither limitation of gifts available nor stinginess in distributing the benefits of those gifts, but rather the multiplication of a mother's legacy to the generations to come and the generous bestowal of all God meant a mother to give to those He entrusted to her care."

What is there to look forward to at the end of earning much and spending it all on expensive items when you can spend much less and enjoy the time with your baby which is exactly what a baby needs most? Why earn and then buy more things for everyone when these things may not necessarily make them happy? The truth is everyone is trapped in the dual income mindset as Heather Koerner puts it best. We spend as if there is we have two persons earning in the house, when we should only consider just a sole breadwinner (the husband) and the wife's income should be all saved as surplus. THIS makes us complacent and starts to spend more.

For me, I firmly stand by my decision to Stay and Work at Home. I do not want to miss out on my child's development, her joy and discoveries. To have a career can be any time much later when my girl has gone to school. But now, especially the first two years of her life, it is important that I share my life with her as much as I can. To teach her new things, understand her emotions, and make her laugh.

I cannot imagine myself working in an office and leaving her to be understood by others who do not know her more than her mom does. Especially when she is still new to the world, and needs my presence to motivate her in her learning journey.

For the people who still frown or laugh at a SAHM, God may be laughing at your ignorance...Because He knows way more than you think you do.

Happiness in the form of a child

The days and years passed, and the peak of it all is when the long awaited moment arrived on 16 October 2008. It was in a cold room, where a new life decided to show its true beauty and strength, after 39 weeks of silence, darkness and uncertainty. The soft but shrill cries and ever moving limbs were a great sign of good health. Laid on the bed for the first time, a hand quickly grasped the side of the bed, perhaps eager to explore its surroundings or perhaps it wanted my hug. Then it felt me and settled down in the warmth of the blanket. Ever so beautiful as the doctors and midwives have described.